He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
