I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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