Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
