i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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