you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
