sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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