Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
