Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
