If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
