I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
