I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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