If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
did i walk over a car last night?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize