She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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