Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
