I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
