i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
