i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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