Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
