it wasn't lemon gatorade
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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