I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You ruined the universe
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
