You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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