it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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