Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
