no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
my liver is dry heaving
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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