I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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