We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
