I'm going to jail i love you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
