yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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