my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize