P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
