She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
