Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
