A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
