I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
we should paint friendship bongs
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