i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
