he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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