I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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