Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
