i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize