Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
