So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
