we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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