She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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