I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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