So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize