I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you had me at cake vodka
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
