I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
