Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Someone came in the potted fern
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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