Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
