just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
