the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
