I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
