woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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