Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
