i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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