Tell her she can't have a vagina
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
