i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
