Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
