Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
