I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
