mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize