Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
