I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
