Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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