I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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