So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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