oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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