Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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