The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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