If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize