New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My dick has a subreddit
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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